Freedom of Speech Extends to Everyone (Even Those We Don't Agree With) - By Matty Jacobson

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THE SKEWED REVIEW | NEWS & POLITICS

EDITOR'S NOTE: We've begun adding more images to our articles. The column continues after each image, so keep on reading!

It's not hard to miss the latest vitriol being slopped all over the Internet like so much hog feed, and subsequently it's not hard to behave like the pigs we sometimes are and eat the stuff right up.

I know friends, family, foes, foreigners, frienemies, fameigners, and any other f-ing mash-up you can think of who's familiar with The Skewed Review has expected me to write an article on the Rev. Charles L. Worley.

On a side note, please reserve any comments on how he's a pastor and not a reverend. I know this already, but even on this snarkastic commentary website, we still adhere to Associated Press Style guidelines. Said guidelines are to put "the Rev."and not "pastor." But I digress.

If you're not familiar with Worley, then count yourself one of the lucky. He's popped up recently for an anti-gay tirade he made from the pulpit of North Carolina's Providence Road Baptist Church. He's basically telling his congregation that being homosexual is against God and against The Bible because two people of the same gender cannot procreate.

Wait, I'm sorry. I've misspoken. God's "again" it and The Bible's "again" it. If you've got the stomach for it, here's the video that's caused all the raucous.

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I definitely hope I'm not causing fans of The Skewed Review too much pain when I say that, even though I don't agree with his sentiments exactly, I do support them.

Well, I support the man's right to spout them as loud and as un-eloquently as his black little heart desires.

I'd like to point the finger of blame at myself for just a moment. I have been historically known to call others out on their anti-gay and bullying issues. I'm very Quick Draw McGraw when it comes to spewing rebuttals after someone vomits up some hateful rhetoric. But why am I so quick to defend my right to live as I please, but I'm not willing to let those who disagree with me live the way they please?

"Look, I'm not saying you have to like the fact that I snort cocaine, drive drunk, steal jewelry, and get away with it all the time. All I'm saying is it's my right as a celebrity to do all those things and more and not get the same retribution any of you normal people would. This is America, OK?" Wikimedia Commons

So is Worley a bigot? Well, that depends on who you ask. A large portion of our great country would say that he's not just a bigot, he's a hugeot. But our country was founded upon the principle that no one entity decides how the rest of us should live. That street runs two ways.

There were a few people in wigs and fancy pants who decided they'd had enough of other people dictating how their lives should be led. So they signed a little piece of paper declaring their independence, so to speak, and wrote up a constitution of sorts to establish some basic rules to live their lives by.

Who would have known wigs and fancy pants would make a comeback in the 21st century? Thank you, "Ru Paul's Drag Race!" Wikimedia Commons

Now scholars can attempt to interpret the Founding Father's country contract as much as they please, but one thing can definitely be agreed upon: Georgy, Benny, Tommy, Jimmy, Johnny and the rest of the Revolutionary Rascals wanted to live in a nation where they could say and do the things they please without a tyrannical hand shoving them into the proverbial corner.

I realize the irony of my argument because Worley basically advocated internment camps for lesbian and gay citizens. His reasoning was that eventually they'd die out because they can't reproduce.

(Yes, here's where I'd usually say he'd better include senior citizens, sterile people, and the generally un-horny folks in those camps. Because they don't procreate either! But I'll hold off on that. Oh, whoopsy! I did it anyway.)

And I've read all over such thriving social media sites as MySpace and the AOL chatrooms that Worley's speech is just the gentle push on the slip'n'slide toward another Holocaust. Worley could be, in fact, the next Adolf Elizabeth Hitler (thanks Mel Brooks!).

You do realize that if you fill this place full of gay men, it would end up looking fabulous, right? Wikimedia Commons

Except our nation runs on a system of checks and balances. And yes, our government is far from perfect. Capitol Hill is as flawed as my face was when I was 15 years old. But for every puss-filled pimple that is a Congressman, there's an equally astringent-esque cleanser in the form of a conscientious voter.

Remember the WWII internment camp for Asian Americans? Yeah. If social media and political correctness had been around in those days, like it is now, then the American people would have been on that like white on rice. Take a deep breath. That was a very, very unclassy joke. I take full responsibility for it.

And if you think anything, and I mean anything, that might lead our government to round up any sort of minority and put them into internment camps without the media and the general public (which is full of conspiracy theorists already) getting involved and putting an immediate end to it is possible, then you might be on something that some Hollywood Startrash might want to snort.

Is Worley's sentiment hateful? Yes. Do I disagree? Yes. But I've decided I'd be willing to fight for his right to say what he wants as long as it's in respect to those around him.

He was, after all, in a building full of people who already agree with him. It's not like he's at someone's funeral shouting the same speech. Likewise, I'm not going to run into his church, whip out my private parts, and slap him across the face with them. Yes, that would make headline news, and yes, it would get me the attention I'm seriously craving, but I'm going to respect his right to believe and say what he wants in the proper venue. And I expect the same courtesy to be given to me.

So I'll stand up now and say I support people's right to do this (even though I despise it) in their own front yard without physically harming anyone:

"We're just waiting for Steve. He's like 12 feet tall, and it's totally cold right now, so we decided to build the fire as high up as we could. This was the most logical way to do that. Now let's get this Pillsbury Dough Boy Look-a-like contest started!" Wikimedia Commons

Because I want to have the right, without being hypocritical, to do this:

It's always been my dream to stand on top of a cake with my twin brother and have our legs bound together with clear packing tape. Wikimedia Commons