Hey, Wanna Fight? - By Matty Jacobson

Matty Jacobson is not looking for a fight. His
argument is usually just one-sided. But any
attempts at debate will be greatly appreciated
if left in the comments section of this article.

NEWS & POLITICS, COLLEGE LIFE -- If you go looking for trouble, then chances are you’re going to find it.

If I had a nickel for every time I went out with a baited line in hopes of reeling in some sort of controversial debate, then I’d have, well, several dollars, I guess. I actually wish I had a nickel for every time someone said, “If I had a nickel.” But I’m not here to get completely off topic in my second paragraph, so allow me to get back to the point.

As we all know by now (and if we don’t, then we should), Florida teen Trayvon Martin was shot last month by neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman, and the resulting fallout has been epic.

Dixie Sun ran an opinion article last week by Miami Herald contributor Glenn Garvin titled, “Public too quick to judge in Fla. Teen killing” that basically called for everyone to calm the fetch down.

Oh, and Utah gets a review of 4 1/2 out of five new words added to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary for making it OK for me to write, “calm the fetch down” and not sound utterly ridiculous.

And I get it. I get that we shouldn’t start shouting, “Burn the Witch!” until we’ve actually confirmed she’s the reason our cows are giving sour milk. But when you read the facts of the Martin/Zimmerman scandal, there’s one thing you can’t deny: Zimmerman is at fault for being the instigator.

In the 911 call, which you can find in full on YouTube, Zimmerman is told by the dispatcher to stop pursuing Martin. Now, whether or not you believe what happens after the call is over, one thing remains certain: Zimmerman was in pursuit. He was looking for trouble.

If he’d only notified the police, like any good neighborhood watchman does, then that would have been the extent of the drama. But instead, he felt the need to go after the kid, and perhaps that caused Martin to react violently.

I see this on campus almost every day—only to a lesser degree, thank gosh.

Hey, Utah. I’m upping that previous review to five out of five new words. How do you like them potatoes? I’d wager you like them grated up and cooked funeral style.

Sometimes I hear students engaging each other in debates so superfluous that they make “The Real Housewives of Orange County” look like the presidential elections. I can’t count the number of times I’ve witnessed one of my fellow students troll for an argument because he or she is (I can only assume) bored.

But instead of handguns and cell phones, some DSC students are armed with abstract novels and contextually inaccurate quotations. But either way, the perception is the same: It looks like these people are out looking for a fight.

You already know whom I’m talking about. Think about sitting in class and trying to learn when all of a sudden a hand pops up. You look to see whose five digits just broke the sound barrier in an attempt to dispute whatever the professor may be teaching. You see it’s the same student who’s always on the defense.

Then, in a glorious effort to draw the whole class in to at least 20 minutes of time none of them will ever get back again, said student begins to argue with instructors and students alike—even if the argument has nothing to do with the subject matter.

I’m always in awe over what drives these types of people. Is a lack of constant debate a source of serious turmoil in their lives? Do they need to prove they are right to all the people all the time, even if they only win by whining and arguing so much that their opposition simply gives up? Or do they think they’re actually doing everyone else a service by not shutting the heck up?

I’m going to go ahead and double my review to 10 new words.

I fear the last example is the worst. Zimmerman thought he was doing his neighborhood a service by following Martin in an attempt to stop a burglary. Instead, someone died. The worst that might have happened, if Martin was in fact out to burglarize, was that a few things might have been stolen.

Of course getting class content sucked out of the room by the vacuum that is the constant debater isn’t fatal—even though sometimes it makes me feel as though I’m being tortured to death. But the parallel is still there.

So I’ve decided to stop looking for a fight. Sure, I can learn something new on the Internet that I assume is as important to the rest of the world as it is to me. But I have enough will power to hold myself back and not burst into the classroom screaming, “Schrodinger’s cat is nothing but a fallacy!” in hopes someone will grab that stick and tug.

Next time you come to class armed with an argument, could you do us all a favor and figure out if it’s relevant? If you feel the need to debate the instructor or your fellow student, will you take a little time and decide if it’s important to anyone other than yourself? When you open your mouth to wax intellectual on a subject you think you’re an expert on, could you perhaps shut it for a second and remind yourself that you’re a college student and not a professional scientist in the field of everything, everywhere?

Just don’t be a Zimmerman. Don’t go out looking for trouble. It would do you, and the rest of us, so much good if we could just stop this senseless shiz.

That’s right. I went there. Thanks, Utah.