Congress and the Senate actually listened to us? What the? - By Matty Jacobson

Matty Jacobson is owner, operator,king and 
all-around dictator of The Skewed Review. 
He's also the opinion editor of Dixie Sun, 
which you can find at dixiesunlink.com!

Our government actually listens to us.

I know. I’m just as surprised as you are.

Hundreds of websites went dark last week for one day to protest the Protect Intellectual Property Act and the Stop Online Piracy Act. These two bits of legislation would have punished websites that host or link to content that’s even remotely illegal.

Yes, this would have meant that obscure link to Pirate Bay through a Wikipedia article titled “File Sharing” would have actually shut down Wikipedia all together.

I’m not sure what the octogenarians who run our government were thinking when they wrote up these ridiculous bits of stallion feces, but I can only assume their basic understanding of this newfangled thingy called the Internet is limited, at best. Their solution to online piracy was basically the equivalent of detonating a nuclear bomb in a multi-million dollar mansion in order to rid the basement of a few cockroaches.

And as we all know, the cockroaches would be the only things to survive such a blast. I can guarantee it would be the same situation with online pirates; websites like reddit.com and personal blogs (you know, like the one you diligently update daily despite a lack of readership) would be eliminated. All the while, uber-literate computer junkies would laugh like so many Disney hyenas while they download AC/DC albums and Fox Searchlight movies to their hearts’ content.

But, because of the Internet protest, both acts have been shelved.

This literally happened in a matter of days. In my 31 years on this planet (and my 83 years on the planet I came from), I’ve never seen such a rapid response to a protest.

Here’s why it worked: Millions of people realized the consequences of these acts would not only damage large online entities like Google and Wikipedia, but would also destroy small Internet businesses in addition to their cute little blogs.

The protest that ensued was planned and executed in such a way that any smart legislator wouldn’t dare say “no.” And no, the irony of  “smart legislator” is not lost on me.

We as the American people need to put this much effort into the other things we oppose! My suggestion is to keep the email addresses and phone numbers of your representatives on your iPhone (or your Android if you’re not as cool as the rest of us).  When you find out your senator or representative is going to vote on something you oppose, then hurry up and write that fool and tell him or her to vote “no,” and tell that person why.

So my one and only review for this edition is to the American people who rallied against legislation so ridiculous that even the producers of “Jersey Shore” would call it distasteful. My fellow Americans are hereby bestowed with the powers of perception and the powers of reaction. Because I totally have the ability to grant such powers.

Take note, 99 percenters. By having a clear goal and a simple call to action, you can actually get your message past the barricade of ill-gotten monies and into the hearing aids of our aging legislators.