The Kids Are In The Garage - By Gilda Hortenstein

Now listen up because I'm going to help save you some real money this new year. Let's make sure you have plenty of dollars in the bank before the world ends around Hanukah time in 2012.

 Babysitting

First of all, stop paying for babysitters and daycare! Instead, invest in a simple space heater and an oscillating fan. Pair that with a couple of large dog beds from Wal-Mart and you can create a very comfortable environment for your little ones in the garage while you're at work. Just lock the door to the house to prevent your toddlers from sneaking inside to cause trouble and make messes. Problem solved!

Undergarments

This little tip will help you eliminate both the need to buy new underwear, and it will help lower your utility bills. Even if you're super frugal like your's truly, you still need to consume food. When you're done grocery shopping, then you can put your plastic bags to good use. Cut two holes in the bottom of your plastic bag and slip it on underneath your Deseret Industries skorts or sweat pants. Pair that with a couple of pieces of yarn to secure the leg holes, and you've got a pair of functional undies that you can throw away at the end of the day. You won't need to waste water washing panties and boxers anymore. Plus you won't have to spend money flushing all that water down the toilet because you can simply collect your daily messes in your plastipants and throw them away at the end of your day! 

Gift giving

Gilda knows best when it comes to giving gifts. As you all know, if you happen to have money, you can rely on Ross and TJ Maxx to provide you with stylish gifts at an affordable price. But if you're looking to save even more money the next time you go to a birthday party, then allow me to offer you an alternative. Choose an outfit from your closet and then scruff it up a bit with a cheese grater, or simply run over it with your car a few times. Then wear that outfit around the friend/family member/coworker for roughly two to three weeks before his or her birthday/engagement party/bar/bat mitzvah. On the day of the celebration, you can hand the person a home-made card (use a paper bag from the grocery store!) and your friend or family member will not be disappointed because, after all, you're barely making ends meet. 

Now I'm not a proponent of lying, so don't ever actually say you can't afford a gift. Just make sure to always wear the same ragged outfit around and merely imply that you can barely afford to live, let alone buy another person a present. 

Don't worry! Gilda has your back. You'll see the dollars stacking up just as soon as you implement at least three of the ideas I've presented here. And there'll be more to come, so don't you worry your little menschy head off!