Self Medication Often Includes Self Mutilation - By Matty Jacobson

Matty Jacobson contributes to and edits
The Skewed Review

THE SKEWED REVIEW | HEALTH & WELLNESS | ACTIVISM

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Full disclosure: I'm a self mutilator. Or, at least, I was.

Thankfully, I kicked that horrible habit along with a lot of other horrible habits like check fraud, drug abuse, and candy raving.

However, today I got a call from a collection agency that was trying to collect on a hospital bill. Ironically, the hospital bill is for the last time I felt overwhelmed with life and ended up cutting myself.

My full-time job is being Editor-in-Chief of Dixie Sun News, and while there is a scholarship involved with that, it's frankly not enough to cover any outstanding hospital bills. Needless to say, I can't pay the bill. They've already reported to the big three credit agencies, and it looks like when I do get a full-time paying job, there's the real possibility of having my wages garnished--all because I wanted to stop hurting myself.

So today, in light of the harsh reminder that I can't pay for my own health, I cut myself again. Please, no sympathy, and for God's sake don't call any authorities. I'd just like to point out some reasons behind self mutilation so perhaps everyone can be a little more aware of the issue.

Some people call it a cry for attention. Perhaps this is true in some cases, but it mine it's just a way of relieving a pent-up frustration that seems to have no other outlet. In the past I've abused drugs in leu of cutting, but I've been drug-free for many years now.

Your average self-mutilator has a lot on his plate. He most likely feels as though he's being tugged in myriad directions at once, and a lot of people are either dependent upon him, or demand a lot from him. This is very real-world stuff, and fortunately a large portion of the population are wired to deal with this kind of stuff.

But there are those of us who have underlying mental illnesses like bipolar disorder or severe depression, and when we can't afford to get the help we need, we usually end up turning to self medication or other means of instantaneous stress relief.

For me, the pain of being cut overwhelms the crippling stress I'm feeling at that moment. I'm sad to say that today, after I took an Xacto Knife to my skin, I felt immensely better. I might have just stayed home and bawled and felt sorry for myself. But, after harming myself, I mustered the strength to actually take on my daily duties.

I wish there were other ways of dealing with this that won't ironically lead to more medical bills. But as of now, there aren't.