Southern Hospitality? Not in Louisiana! - By Matty Jacobson

And this is how much coffee the hotel gave Matty,
who owns, contributes to and edits
The Skewed Review.

THE SKEWED REVIEW | ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT | 

“Southern Hospitality” is a myth.

Well, I should probably say that any assumption Southerners are hospitable on a level that’s above anywhere else in the nation is a myth.

This is my third day in New Orleans, and I’ve utilized easily 100 local businesses, from markets to restaurants to shops to bars to government to transit. If I had come into Louisiana expecting to be treated like the scum I actually am, then perhaps the people who live here wouldn’t have disappointed me.

 I am, after all, scum.

But I arrived in The Big Easy under the notion that Southerners are known for their hospitality. I’m sorry, but nothing could be farther from the truth.

The initial “awakening” of sorts happened at the Louis Armstrong Memorial Airport, where the taxi service people seemed curt at best, but gave off an air of general annoyance. But that’s to be said of literally every airport across the nation. I’ve yet to encounter any airline or TSA official who seems happy to be at work.

Despite my being the reason their lives seem to be so crappy, I shrugged off the two sassy girls who set us up with a cab to our hotel, and I had to ignore our very scary taxi driver, who wouldn’t answer my greeting or acknowledge that I’d just given him our destination. He only stared coldly at me as if I’d just murdered his first-born child.

In fact, he only spoke to us when I gave him a tip.

“Thanks,” he said. And then he was off.

OK, so I’ve only encountered a couple of annoyed airline employees and one cabby who probably had a bad day. Besides, that’s just three people out of the more than 300,000 residents of New Orleans. I can’t judge a whole city by three pissed off people, right?

Well, as I wandered the city yesterday, I kept encountering New Orleans residents who treated me like garbage. Do I deserve to be treated like garbage? Who knows. But what blew my mind was I was being treated like garbage in businesses.

I’ve never been to a less friendly place as far as business employees go. I’ve had to engage every single staff member of every single establishment I’ve graced with my presence, and more importantly, my money.

Perhaps it’s just a Western culture thing. When a potential customer comes into a store or restaurant, I’ve noticed employees actually attempt to retain said potential customers and milk as much money out them as possible through the fine art of kindness and/or flattery.

I wish I kept an actual count of the number of businesses that lost my money because their representatives were hardly even present. And those that were, seemed so displaced by my wanting to spend money that I actually felt guilty on several occasions—as if I, the customer, had done something horribly wrong by stepping foot inside a business.

Now, who’s to say these business aren’t bombarded each day by drunken tourists, and each clerk is simply fed up with the shenanigans? Again, this must be a cultural thing, because in all the retail establishments I’ve worked at (and believe me, there’s too many to count) have demanded employees treat each person like gold.

And if I had treated any customer the way I’d been treated at almost every business I’ve been into in New Orleans, I would have been fired.

Luckily, one business stood out above the rest. A local tour company gave us a look at the most haunted spots in the French Quarter of New Orleans. Our tour guide was very nice, but of course, he was earning his tips. However, I didn’t have a problem with that. In fact, I was impressed that he was actually attempting to gain favor with the customers in order to get more money.

I was just flabbergasted that the rest of the city didn’t seem to take advantage of the average drunken tourist’s willingness to shell out cash for crap!

Historically, architecturally, spiritually and paranormally New Orleans is golden. It’s the most fascinating city I’ve been to in all those aspects. I just wish the world hadn’t hyped me up about this so-called “Southern Hospitality.” It’s like telling me how awesome a movie is going to be, and then my standards are set so high that, when I finally see the film, it falls terribly short.  

Shop and restaurant employees, at least all I’ve encountered, are rude. They don’t act like they want my business, so I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Perhaps I’ll kindly let each employee know that I’m a journalist (kind of), and that I’m recommending businesses to travelers. I don’t know how else to get them to treat me like a customer.