Is It Just Plain Lazy to Write A Conservative Column In St. George? (The Answer is 'Yes') - By Matty Jacobson

Think about it: Writing a conservative column in
St. George is like telling a group of plastic surgeons
that breast augmentation is totally fine.

THE SKEWED REVIEW

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It’s incredibly easy to be an opinion writer, talk show host and, well, civilian in an area where the majority of the populous have the exact same beliefs.

It doesn’t matter which publication I turn to; I see a whole lot of playing safe. We’ve got religious columns written by retirees who’ve served multiple LDS missions, we’ve got opinion articles written by an LDS mother, and we have local talk shows that focus on the Republican demographic and everything the Republican party supposedly stands for: conservative values (whatever those are) and a belief that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is law.

And when it comes to bringing the public what it wants, I think our community’s publications do just that. We’ve got safe and sound authors and talk show hosts who offer safe and sound content to an audience that wants something safe and sound to read and listen to.

I wonder what it would be like to get up every day, write opinion articles on how I think the LDS Church’s latest decision to do this or that is great, how the liberals are destroying America, and how family home evening is the best thing ever. Preaching to the choir is the easiest thing to do.

So you can understand why my little blackbird feathers get easily ruffled when I think about how little work goes into being a conservative opinion writer in St. George. I’m not saying authors who choose to write faith-based, conservatively valued content are bad. But I am wondering, why write articles that are meant to persuade a group of people who are already on your side? It just seems a bit, well, lazy, I guess.

Am I tooting my own horn here? I guess a couple of beeps are in order. I am definitely writing for the St. George minority. I am blasted every week for writing about such controversial topics as marriage equality and scrutinization of faith. It’s not easy to take a beating with each article in the community we live in. But I do it anyway because, as much as some people would like it to be this way, we are not Hildale. We aren’t a bubbled-off city of robots that do what they’re told to do and think what they’re told to think. 

OK, so it is a little bit like that. But that doesn't mean the whole community is full of robots.

St. George is a beautiful place full of beautiful people. But it’s also a harsh environment for those of us who don’t subscribe to the general way of thinking. The truly artistic of us are either driven out of town or made to conform—usually.

So the next time you read an article that’s not about how great it is that the missionary age has been changed or how Mayor McArthur is just a great guy with Dixie spirit, maybe take a second and reflect on how hard it is to write an opposing opinion in this town.

This article is not written just about me, myself and I. If you’ve lived and breathed in St. George, then you’ve also caught wind of a column titled “Erotic Topic,” written by Katie McKellar, which focuses on sex, sexuality, and sexual culture. And you’ve probably heard of another column called “ON Kilter,” by Dallas Hyland.

I’ve spoken with both these individuals, and both have felt the wrath of the community for daring to talk about things like sex and the environment, STDs and local political corruption, masturbation and mismanagement of funds.

So if you haven’t already, check them both out and see a couple of real hardworking authors who are pushing the barriers of communication and thought in a community that, for the most part, will have none of it. 

And if you’re of the “If you don’t like it, then get out” mentality, then I’ll just ask that you silently reflect upon our LDS ancestors who were forced out of many places for their religious beliefs. I’m sure it wasn’t a good feeling for them, and it sure as hell isn’t a good feeling for those of us who feel there is more than one way of living life. 

The Bullying Can End. It's Up To Us. - By Matty Jacobson

Bullies are people, too. Maybe we can start at the source
and show them they can be loved without making
others miserable. Matty Jacobson owns, edits and
contributes to The Skewed Review.

THE SKEWED REVIEW | ACTIVISM

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Bullies. They’re everywhere. They’re evil. They must go.

Yes, we’re bombarded by the tribulations of bullying from every media outlet on a daily basis. We’re constantly seeing the destruction left in the wake of bullies—from your run-of-the-mill junior high school kid, to the power-hungry alpha male at work.

Bullies drive people to fear, sadness, depression, anger, self-esteem issues, and, in the worst cases, suicide. We’re constantly seeing, reading, hearing, and watching the pleas of victims and families of victims for the bullying to stop.

But what about the bullies themselves? Who will speak for them?

Now, hold your horses that I assume you’ve got harnessed right next to your computer. I’m not an advocate for bullying. But, I would like to be an advocate for the bully—at least the person under the guise of the bully. So please hear me out.

I have had the opportunity (if you can call it that) to be on both sides of the fence. In my grade school and junior high school years, I was bullied. Believe me, I was bullied so much that, had I not been duped into a religious belief that hell awaited those who committed suicide, I would have taken my life.

I was the “faggot” of every school I went to. I was odd, I dressed differently (and by “differently” I mean “weird”), I was loud, I was fat, and I was effeminate. I was shamed to tears on a daily basis, and believe me, the tears did not help my reputation. From fifth to 10^th grade, my life was a living hell. I was convinced by my peers that I was dumb, fat, ugly, queer, and completely unworthy to live. I was so close to becoming a suicide statistic. I might as well have been walking around with a noose around my neck; I wanted to hang myself every waking moment of my life.

That depression stayed with me. Later in life, when I stopped believing so much in religion, I did try and take my life. When something drastic happened, I’d momentarily slip back into that junior high mentality, and I’d go to extremes. I cut and overdosed—four times. I was hospitalized for three of the four attempts. The effects of bullying can last a lifetime.

But let me get back to my teenage years.

At the 10^th grade mark, I changed schools. I went to a place where nobody knew me. For some reason, I started making friends there. Before I knew it, I was voted student body secretary. I had a close group of friends that I considered family. I was, dare I say it, popular.

In a matter of months my life changed like Rosie O’Donnell when she came out. Only instead of changing from “sweetheart talk show host” to “scary grudge-holding militant”, I went from “crying fat little fag” to “obnoxiously confident queen.”

And then came the real world.

Once I was out of high school, I found the joys of clubs and raves. Drum & bass, breakbeats, happy hardcore, and drugs fueled my existence. I shed the pounds and was suddenly a slender, beautiful creature. And that’s when I suddenly realized that I had to somehow stay on top of the social food chain.

And there’s only one way to stay on top of the food chain: consume the weak. Don’t let anyone tell you that “The Lion King” can’t teach you a lesson.

I started becoming what I loathed the most when I was younger: a bully. I talked trash about people I thought were weaker than I was. I made people cry. I even destroyed people’s property for the sheer entertainment value. And all for what? It’s because I didn’t want to be on the other side of it again. It was much easier living life as a bully than as the bullied.

But it was all fueled by fear. It was fueled by a low self-esteem. It was fueled by a mentality that if I didn't pick on the weak, then I was the weak. This is what drives most bullies to do what they do. They're still human, just like you and me. But under it all, they're just as scared as we are. They've just adapted to life and are surviving the only way they know how: by being the strongest, the scariest, the most wicked.

So now I have a call to action for each and every one of you. The fight to end bullying can’t just be about shaming bullies and telling them they’re wrong. I think we need to start showing bullies that it’s completely possible to be happy without treading on the lives of others.

Will my faithful readers please join in my plight and find one bully this year. Find just one person who is making your life a living hell, and try and see life from that person’s point of view. Let’s take that one person and try and turn him or her into our friend.

We may not succeed, but at least we can say we tried.

So, let me be the first. I'd like to turn myself into a friend. In my last article, I called KateDalley a pervert. Now, I still stand by my argument that too many people are equating homosexuality with pedophilia, and I will never waver on that. But, in my attempt to make my point, I started to become the bully again.

I will leave my original article as is so you can read my words. I want you all to see how easily a person can become a bully--sometimes without even realizing it. But I will also make an amendment: My personal attacks on Dalley were unwarranted, uncalled for, unnecessary and wicked. I feel threatened by Mrs. Dalley because I feel she is misinformed. And what I did, calling her names, was a childish thing to do. It made me a villain. It made me a bully. And I’m not proud of that.

And I am not making this apology because I was pressured to—if you know me, then you’ll know I do things because I want to do them, not because someone else tells me to do them. Does Dalley’s point of view still piss me off? You bet your buttermilk biscuits it does. But do I hate Kate Dalley? That can't be said because I don't know her personally. Do I have permission to call her names? No. And I am sorry. I was a bully again, and that’s not acceptable.

Let’s make 2013 the year we help a bully see that life can be lived, happily at that, without having to feed on someone else’s life. Go on. Go hug your bully. At least you can say you tried to make a difference.

An Open Letter To Kate Dalley and Her Readers - By Matty Jacobson

This is the accompanying photo with Kate Dalley's
article: a sexual identity merit badge. Sexual identity
means the gender a person identifies with. Dalley
actually doesn't talk about this at all. Hate mail to
Matty Jacobson can be posted in the comments section
below.

THE SKEWED REVIEW | ACTIVISM


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All three rings of the gay rights circus are active right now, and it certainly is the most grating show on earth.

If you haven’t read Feb. 9 article, “Perspectives: TheSexual Identity Merit Badge,” by Kate Dalley, published on StGeorgeUtah.com, then maybe you should take a minute and read it.

If you can’t see how bigoted this article is, then I’m afraid you’ve fallen into the same delusion that Dalley has: that this opinion piece is a fair representation of her side of the argument.

But in all actuality, it’s only telling us that being “openly gay” means that you fully intend to disclose graphic sexual information to boys.  

I am not here to tell you The Boy Scouts of America should allow openly gay people to join the organization. I don’t really understand why any self-respecting person who just happens to be gay would want to join an organization that is willing to deny them membership for that one aspect alone. But, like I said, the whole Boy Scout issue is completely beside the point here.

Whether intentional or not, Dalley is portraying herself as a pervert who can only think of one thing: gay sex.

When I first started The Skewed Review back in 2009, my goal was to have a political column that focused on headlines—but in a sarcastic and entertaining way. Of course, I didn’t fully understand how poorly sarcasm is conveyed through print, and politics are about as entertaining as watching CSPAN “Clockwork Orange” style. Still, I’m able to crank out some pretty good puns every now and then, and as long as post mug shots of myself looking perturbed, then at least half my audience gets my sardonic attitude.

But what started as a political focus grew to cover a wide variety of topics. From movies to morons, The Skewed Review is able to touch on just about every subject. But one thing that’s really bloomed like a rainbow rose growing in a glitter and John Waters DVD mulch is my activism.

But in all my activism tantrums, I’ve never once argued that gay people should be allowed to run up to whomever they please and start spouting off about their sex lives.

Now, never mind that Dalley is uneducated; she doesn’t even know the difference between sexual orientation and sexual identity (she refers to sexual identity as a “sexual preference”) and never mind her inability to recognize her own redundancies (she talks about granting membership to “‘openly gay’ homosexuals”); I want to bring to your attention her blatant self-contradictions.

She goes so far in her argument as to say: “Am I ‘openly Mormon,’ or ‘openly heterosexual?’ No.”

Actually, Ms. Dalley is both of those things. First and foremost, she just announced them both in her article. That, my loyal readers, is the definition of being openly anything. I’m guessing she goes to church and is seen by hundreds of other congregants. That’s openly Mormon. And in her mini-bio at the end of her article, it clearly states she’s married and a mother of five children. That’s openly heterosexual.

Dalley’s hypocrisy is astounding.

But her biggest fallacy is that she’s a namby-pamby, no-spine writer who is too afraid to argue what she wants to argue. Her article reeks of disgust toward gay people, but she skirts that issue under the guise of “I’m not a fan of bullying.” She’s clearly repulsed by gay people, but she’s too much of sissy to admit it.

She tells her readers that it’s fine to be gay—just don’t talk about it.  You know, because if she were to talk about her husband and kids, that’s just fine. But if I were to talk about my husband, that’s crossing a line.

And under it all, I think Dalley just can’t get gay sex out of her mind. To quote her, “As for openly-gay scout leaders professing their attitude of acceptance to young boys, sex should never be a discussion that they have with their scouts. Ever. It is inappropriate, just as I do not want a promiscuous male heterosexual glamorizing or justifying his sexual conquests either.”

Wow. She sure jumped from point A to point XXX in a matter of seconds.

Who said being gay meant talking about sex to young boys? Dalley is basically calling all gay men pedophiles. She thinks that being gay means telling everyone around you how you have gay sex. This is a simplistic mindset, a fairy tale if you will, that Dalley has conjured up in her own closed little mind.

I’m sorry, Mrs. Dalley, but you are a pervert. I have never seen a married heterosexual couple holding hands and said, “Good God. Those two people are having sex.” So forgive me for thinking you're the odd one because you do exactly that when you see (or think about) a homosexual couple holding hands. And, oddly enough, I’ve never been afraid for my nieces and nephews when we invite the straight folk over. I’ve never thought, “Oh lord, those two straight people are going to start telling my 7-year-old niece how they have sex.” So again, forgive me when I think you are the pervert because you think that's No. 1 on a homosexual couple's agenda.

Guess what? My partner and I don’t do that stuff. Do my nieces and nephews know I have a partner who happens to be a man? Yes, they do. But do I sit down and tell them how sex with another man works? No! I would never do that! And neither would any other upstanding gay person!

The fact that you think we all want to have conversations about sex with young boys tells me there’s something wrong with you. Not us. 

Are there sick people out there? Yes. But are they all gay? NO. I'm not a sick person, my husband is not a sick person, and all our gay friends are not sick people. You, on the other hand, who thinks that being gay means "professing" your gayness to little children, gives me pause. I just have a sneaking suspicion the only thing you, Mrs. Dalley, can think about when you hear "gay" is a couple of naked guys going at in bed with whips and chains and cameras rolling. Disgusting.

Let the Boy Scouts of America deny access to gay people. That’s fine with me. And argue your homophobic point of view. That’s also fine with me. Just don’t pretend to be to be something you’re not—an understanding and loving human being. And we, as a collective group of normal humans who just happen to be gay will all be what we are—decent, loving, kind, accepting humans who are simply tired of people like YOU labeling us as sex-crazed pedophiles. 

Briggsy reminisces, makes predictions on Super Bowl

THE SKEWED REVIEW | SPORTS & RECREATION

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Before the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers convene in New Orleans on Sunday for Super Bowl XLVII, let’s take a moment to think back on the last time the Super Bowl took place in New Orleans.

The year was 2002 — a time when I was 14 years old, and I was doing 14-year-old things. Tom Brady and the miracle New England Patriots entered the Louisiana Superdome looking to win what would be the first of three Super Bowls. Kurt Warner and the St. Louis Rams came in as the ultimate powerhouse of Stay Puft Marshmallow Man proportions.

The Rams had won the Super Bowl in 2000, and Brady was the Cinderella story of the year. Starting Patriots quarterback Drew Bledsoe got hurt earlier in the year, and Brady became the starter. No one expected the Patriots to make the playoffs that year under Bledsoe, let alone Brady. Yet, here were the Patriots in the Super Bowl.

After a hard-fought battle, it ended with a game-winning field goal from Patriots kicker Adam Vinatieri — launching the start of the Patriots dynasty.

Fast-forward 11 years, and the Super Bowl once again will take place in New Orleans. In addition to that, the Patriots dynasty that started in that city 11 years ago seems to essentially be finished with their recent loss to the Ravens in the AFC Championship game.

The Ravens are led by quarterback Joe Flacco, who’s career seems to be like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s recent film “The Last Stand.”

So often fans and analysts rip Flacco during the regular season, giving many to question whether he’s a legitimate franchise quarterback. Yet Flacco has never missed the playoffs in his five seasons in the league, and has played in the AFC Championship game three times — with of course the most recent being a win over the Patriots to make it to the Super Bowl.

Much like “The Last Stand,” getting through the first hour and 20 minutes is well worth it to see the awesome shootout at the end. Flacco is fun to watch in the playoffs, and this year in particular he’s having a 2011-Dirk-Nowitzki-type postseason, where he just seems destined for greatness.

However, Flacco’s great postseason is being ruined by the fake holiness of The Rev. Ray Lewis. The over/under of how many times Lewis mentions God is his post-game press conference if the Ravens win was set at 3. Thank goodness this will be Lewis’ last game before retirement because I can’t take another year of Ray Lewis features on SportsCenter about his greatness. He’s a phony, and I’m sick of it.

On the 49ers’ side, it’s all about the defense. Navarro Bowman, Patrick Willis, Justin Smith and Aldon Smith will be the key in trying to stop Flacco’s destiny. Ravens’ running back Ray Rice will not be able to run very well against this powerful 49er defense, so it’s up to Flacco to throw against it. And anybody who watched the first half of the 49ers/Falcons NFC Championship game should know that this 49er defense is a little shaky when teams want to throw the football. It’s only when the Falcons decided to get conservative and try to run the clock out that the 49ers made their comeback and won the game.

If Flacco has the kind of game he had against the Denver Broncos a few weeks ago in the divisional round of the playoffs, things could get hairy for the 49ers defensive backs.

Now on to my favorite part of this year’s Super Bowl, and that’s 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick, a.k.a. Sleeves (because of his awesome tattoos), a.k.a. Kaeptain America. He took over in the middle of the season because starting quarterback Alex Smith missed time with a concussion. Once Kaepernick stepped in, it was his show from then on (reminiscent to the Tom Brady story in the 2001-2002 football season).

Kaepernick’s breakout game came against the Chicago Bears on Monday Night Football when he torched them through the air and with his speed on the ground. This dual-threat quarterback has the chance to be the second dual-threat quarterback to win a Super Bowl. Seriously. We’ve been talking about these guys for years — guys like Michael Vick, Cam Newton, Robert Griffin III, and all the way back to Randall Cunningham. However, the success rate of this type of quarterback winning a championship is slim to none.

The last one (and only one) to win a championship was Steve Young. And of course he played for the 49ers. Perhaps there’s something in the water in San Francisco that gives running quarterbacks the ability to throw the ball well and win championships. Perhaps Barry Bonds’ steroid needles are in the Frisco water. Who knows?

Finally, the most talked about portion of this year’s Super Bowl has been about the two brothers competing against one another as head coaches — John and Jim Harbaugh. John, the coach of the Ravens, and Jim, the coach of the 49ers, are brothers separated by just 15 months. I have two brothers (twins), who are 15 months younger than I am, and then I have another brother who is three and a half years younger than I am. We were competitive growing up, and I usually made it a point when competing to not only beat them at stuff, but also make them look silly. And if I knew I couldn’t beat them at something, then I refused to compete against them.

Don’t underestimate the brother factor here. They love each other dearly, but as an older brother I have to give the edge to older brother John and the Ravens. There’s no way in hell I’d let any of my younger brothers beat me in the most watched event event in the history of television.

Prediction Ravens (+3.5) over 49ers. Vegas is giving the Ravens 3 1/2 points, so I’d take the points with Flacco guiding the Ravens’ offense. And the 49ers’ kicking woes with David Akers make any game-winning field goals in doubt. Throw in the “Screw you, little brother, this is mine” effect, and it’s Ravens all the way.

From Matty to the Debating 'Dixie' Masses

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We are at a crossroads at Dixie State College, St. George and the entire state of Utah.

The debate over “Dixie” is no longer a local one; the name change has made national headlines. The discussion is continuing and changes are being made, one of which comes in the very physical form of the Confederate statue’s removal from campus.

As we move forward toward becoming a university, whether or not the name changes, we must behave as students and professors of higher education and civil adult alumni of a college with 100 years of heritage.

The debate is becoming less of a debate and more of a childish tantrum on both sides.

If we believe change is necessary in order to remain a respected institution, we should not be demeaned and accused of having nothing better to do than destroy tradition.

And if we believe “Dixie” is indicative to St. George life and holds no synonymous value to the confederate south, then we should not be called bigots and racists.

This war is becoming less and less civil as the days go on. We are all adults and we should have one thing in mind only: the successful educations the college offers to students. Whether or not that includes the term “Dixie” should be entirely beside the point. If we must debate, let’s debate amicably and leave the name-calling to the kindergartners and the politicians.

Let’s stop throwing around ultimatums and start behaving like the collegiate scholars we aspire to be.