Embrace That Inner Child and RUN! - By Matty Jacobson

Some say carbs and fats are best for recovery.
But Matty Jacobson has made an even better
discovery. When this superhero needs strength
to fly high, he consumes polyester, nylon,
metal and dye. Matty is a contributor to The
Skewed Review. Oh, he also owns and edits
it, too!

THE SKEWED REVIEW | SPORTS & RECREATION | HEALTH & WELLNESS

One sad thing about clichés is that they're always true. 

Why, even that sentence you just read is a cliché! But of all the clichés in the world, from turning lemons into lemonade when life gives them to you (free lemons? Sure!), to finding a lost object in the last place you look (although, it is a little bit fun to keep looking after you’ve found it), the one cliché that has plagued me the most is: “You’re only as old as you feel.”

Sure, that may be the God’s honest truth—hence it being a cliché and all—but so many people flaunt that phrase as if it’s some Olympic gold medal that’s only awarded to the smartest folks who really can recognize their inner child.

Quick! Using all 20 digits on your hands and feet (and, if you’re a guy, you can count up to 21 with that extra appendage, I guess), tally up the number of people you’ve met in your life who preach living as old as you feel but act like they’re pretty much the age they are! And, GO!

OK. Time’s up. If you’re really playing along and not just reading, then chances are you reached a pretty decent number. Now try counting how many times you’ve met someone who says you should act as old as you feel and actually follows through.

What on earth does any of this have to do with Sports &Recreation, you say? Well, although it was only a half marathon, MattMan was out this weekend tearing up the pavement at the Bryce Canyon Half Marathon.

As a refresher, I’ll just remind you that MattMan is I. (But don’t tell anyone. If my secret identity gets leaked, then the fallout could be apocalyptic.)

Of course, being the attention whore that I am, I’m not content with simply running a race in a decent amount of time. Nope. I have to run it wearing a 6 and one-half foot long black Batman cape. Really, I wish I could wear a superhero costume every damn day of my life!

Everyone knows the best
way to look like Batman
is to stand like Superman. 

But at this most recent race, I started paying attention to the amount of pure adultism of most of the race participants. There were a lot of people there who were so invested in the race that my even daring to wear the coolest thing any racer has ever worn was a very affront to the very sport of marathoning. Yes. I made that word up. Deal with it.

So does my wearing a badass cape while running races mean I’m mocking the marathons? Does it mean I’m making fun of the other runners? No! It means that my inner child wants to play, and running around just for the sake of running around is totally something a child would do. And let's admit it: running marathons isn't for the sake of evading zombies. We do it just because. 

LOL! OMG runing 4 UR life iz
SOO fun! (^_^) K ill txt u latr
if im not ded by then! ;-)~

So why not embrace it?

This is the fourth race I’ve run in my MattMan cape, but this is the first race where I’ve paid attention to my fellow racers who seem to be less than impressed with my fluttering crime fighting awesomeness. So I’d like to take this opportunity to address just those of you spend an extra hour or so before each race getting that stick just perfectly inserted up your ass.

I am living the age I feel I am. And actually, this carries over into my day-to-day life, too! But it’s pretty much only in racing where my acting as old as I feel is a good thing.

When I race in my cape, I feel like I’m 7 years old, jumping around in my front yard, and battling Magneto (shut up all you comic purists. I know Magneto is Marvel and Batman is DC. This is my little boy mentality and I can imagine what I want!). 

The cape is to me what doping is to that guy who won the race yesterday (don’t deny it—we all know!); it’s the strength I need to achieve my racing goals! Plus, it’s an incentive to run faster because if I don’t, then the cape doesn’t fly behind me and I end up tripping on it.

When I’m not running races dressed as MattMan, I’m mismanaging money, procrastinating, singing to myself, fidgeting constantly, talking out of turn, taking too many naps, playing with imaginary friends, and generally acting like a preschooler. This is a serious hindrance in my ability to function as an adult. As a 31-year-old man, I really, really have to try my hardest to bring myself to an adult level in order to survive in the adult world.

But I embrace that childishness when I race. And you know what? It works. I think more people should try it. I finished my very first half marathon back in February in one hour and 54 minutes while wearing that cape. That’s not too shabby for someone who’s never run a race before.

At the Bryce Canyon Half Marathon (which is 13.1 miles) on the weekend of the third Friday the 13^th of the year (each of those being 13 weeks apart, mind you), I finished in 13^th place in my division in one hour and 33 minutes (y’know—1:33).

Thirteen has always been, and will always be, my lucky number. But that’s beside the point. The point is that in just five months I’ve managed to shave at least 20 minutes off my racing time, and that’s while running with the equivalent of a parachute on my back!

In the pouring rain, it
also doubles as a mop! 

I’m not tooting my own horn here. That’s something I do in private when I’m sure nobody’s home. I am saying that if you’re going to run around being proud about being a child on the inside, then dammit, you need to follow through! Yes, behaving like a child can get you in trouble most of the time. But when you channel that inner elementary kid in the right situation, the results can be amazing.